I agree with Dave on his comments and will add a couple of more if you don't mind.
Timing and order is important, as my sportscaster brother points out, also engage.  I'm not as good as he is at this, but looking at the audience and trying to make them feel you are talking to them particularly for each of these stories will make them even more powerful.  So Dave's comment about practice is spot on.

But for timing and order, I might rethink the sequence you have might be more effective if you change them a little.   The last one might be a good one to lead with it. Say something like one of my most wonderful remembrance was a recent one, his expressions and reaction we 100% Greg and I'm lucky to use to anchor our relationship....  then tell that story.  that will get people's attention.  Then build up with some of the others over your life with him and close with the story of his most important legacy for you being your family.

My thoughts - do wish I could make it, but I think it's not possible.

Clem



On Thu, Jul 2, 2015 at 1:31 AM, Dave Horsfall <dave@horsfall.org> wrote:
On Wed, 1 Jul 2015, Larry McVoy wrote:

> I'm trying to put notes together for Greg's service tomorrow, these are
> rough, if anyone wants to suggest fixes I'd love that.  Needs to by 10AM
> PST, the service is at 11AM.

OK, from my Toastmasters experiences (DTM, senior executive, etc), here's
some feedback...

> The theme is Greg was a ninja, I'm only just realizing it.  I've got
> lots of stories but they all involve me so if I'm taking up too much
> time or boring people all I need to see is one person waving their hand
> like "move it along" and I'll wrap it up.  I can whittle it down to just
> two stories but here is the list.

Find out how much time you have, and rehearse them in front of someone
with a stopwatch and time cards (in TM, green means OK so far i.e. past
the minimum time, yellow means start winding down, red means sit down,
because in TM contests you are disqualified if you get the red).  You'll
find that people have no idea for how long they can talk, once they get
carried away...

> Ninja Greg does music (have to do this one, I have pictures).

Agreed (and being a muso I'd like to see those pix myself).

> Ninja Greg bitch slaps the government with Larry

Possibly not...  More about you than Greg.

> Ninja Greg takes Larry to the NSA, Larry ends up staring at pissed Marines

Ditto...

> Ninja Greg gets Larry a wife

Keep it if there's time i.e. run it last.  A short presentation is more
memorable than a long one.

> Happy Greg lifts a log (have to do this one, I have pictures)

Definitely (I saw the pix).

--
Dave Horsfall  (VK2KFU)  "Those who don't understand security will suffer"
http://www.horsfall.org/leapsecond.webm - The talking clock for 2015 (9MB)
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